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Thursday, March 31, 2011

Friday, March 11, 2011

Writing Samples For Cracked.com


SAMPLE GIST

Despite efforts to echo the glittery appeal of the Cullens, gods and man aren’t on the best terms because the multi-cultural deities can’t give up old habits. Zeus sleeps around. Hera is a witch. And Hades hates his job. This drama plays out in the life of young Perseus, the son of Zeus. After witnessing the murder of his adoptive family, Perseus meets some walking boobs and a MILF then decides to become a soldier. There are scorpions, a cuckolded mutant, Medusa and some sort of colossal crustacean. Triumphant, Perseus reunites with his dad and is given a zombie wife. 

SAMPLE CRACKED FACT

M. Night Shyamalan’s The Last Airbender--which had the largest budget of any Nickelodeon movie--grossed $319,713,881 worldwide. With the net profit Paramount could have reimbursed 22,628,517 unsatisfied fans.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles



Adolescent reptiles named after Renaissance artists--Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo-- mutate and train to become crime-fighting ninjas under the tutelage of an oversized brown rat from Japan, Master Splinter. The movie kicks off with a trio of tragic events: Raphael loses a sai, Raphael hits Leonardo and Raphael’s absence leads to the abduction of Master Splinter by a mysterious cult with a podiatric fetish, The Foot Clan. Teaming up with a news reporter prepared for inclement weather and a sports-loving vigilante, the turtles train harder, reunite their bonds of brotherhood and return to face the leader of The Foot, the lovelorn ninjitsu master, The Shredder. The movie ends on a positive note with father-son bonding, a passionate kiss and “a funny.”