So you know that feeling after going to the theater and watching a REALLY bad movie…that feeling of regret and sadness…not for the waste of time but for all that darn money you spent on food. ($20 per person for a soda and bag of popcorn. And that’s ON TOP of the $15 ticket and $5 3D surcharge.)
We’ve invented a rating system that speaks to that frustration-get ready for the Concession-Stand Critiques! (CSC)
Stick of Gum - Not a pack. A STICK. This movie was so awful you are bemoaning the loss of 6 cents! Skip it!
Box of Candy - A movie has to be pretty awful for you to regret a $2 box of candy. It’s okay, and you’ll probably get over it soon. But is it really worth the stress? Consider your other options!
Popcorn Combo - With the economy being what it is, that $12 combo of soda and popcorn isn
’t such a hot deal. Not to say that popcorn isn’t delicious! I mean for the 10 minutes that it lasts during the previews that warm theatre delicacy is sooooo worthwhile. As P would say “Give it a Look.”
Hot dog Combo – You know that smug look you give the pimple-faced cashier as you order the HOT food combo! It’s REAL food…sorta. With a hot dog in one hand and a big-a$$ soda in the other you will sit through the film full and happy. No regrets. It’s going to be a good time!
Bucket-O-Food - Bring a bucket! You’re going to need it to haul all that crap into the theatre. Mothers trying to get their children to share a single popcorn will glare as you pass by with the Bucket-O-Food, Every theatre has one. That diarrhea inducing combination of candy, soda, popcorn, hot dogs, nachos, cheese, and ice cream. But don’t give it a second thought. This movie was AWESOME! You are so satisfied you threw away that $200 receipt and twittered as you walked out the door. You might want to go back and watch it again with a (rich) friend. Did you pre-order the DVD yet!
There you have it! The Concession-Stand Critiques!
Just to get you familiarized here are some of the movies in my collection with their CSC stamp.
He’s Just Not That Into You - Box of Candy!
What Dreams May Come - Hot Dog Combo!
Public Enemies - Hot Dog Combo!
The Goods - Stick of Gum!
Dirty Jobs Collection 1 - Bucket-O-Food!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Bucket-O-Food!
Planet Hulk - Hot Dog Combo!
Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow - Stick of Gum!
Max Payne - Stick of Gum!
Thanks for reading and happy watching!
