Tsubasa

Tsubasa is without a doubt, the absolute corniest anime I have ever seen. (Exhibit A: screen shot above)

Syaoran, a young archaeologist, travels the multiverse seeking the scattered memories of his lover and childhood friend, Princess Sakura.

Archaeologist and the princess--that old hat.

The series is a collaborative work produced by Clamp which pulls together lead characters from different anime shows. You might recognize Yuko/Mokuna from XXXholic; and Syaoran/Sakura from Cardcaptor Sakura.

The artwork blends the cutesy features of the Sakura cast with the knottable limbs of XXholic. Some viewers might find the colors a bit washed-out. (But that might just be the tears of boredom you start shedding after the first 50 seconds.)

I rate it a BOX OF CANDY!

Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian

Are you still a Stiller fan?

Then buckle up and get ready for a wild ride! The second movie in the Night at the Museum series makes its way to DVD December 2009! (Okay, so I'm a little late. Even the professionals let one slip every once in a while.)

Having stopped the theft of the golden tablet and rescued the living exhibits, Larry leaves his post at the Museum of Natural History to pursue his dreams of inventing. From the un-losable keys to the glow-in-the-dark flashlight, Larry gives the late Billy Mays a run for his money.

But with success comes sacrifice, and he looses touch with his friends.

Distracted by an upcoming corporate mergers and sales projections, Larry swings by the museum to find everyone is prepped and packed, ready for transport to the National Archives in Washington D.C.!

With ANOTHER bad guy trying to steal the golden tablet and even cornier jokes, this movie is at best watchable. Unlike the first movie, Battle of the Smithsonian has no plot and no familiarity. Even the whole "exhibits coming to life" bit seems old hat.

Night at the Museum 1, like a number of my favorites (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Ghostbusters, and Home Alone 2), was a movie about New Yahwk.

It was about the museum we remember visiting as kids, and intending to visit as adults. The exhibits that are duplicated a million times on Facebook. (EVERYONE thinking they've got the best shot of the hanging whale or the fossils.)

All things considered Night at the Museum 2 does not live up to expectations. The effects were neat and Hank Azaria's lisp will make you giggle, but you will probably be able to live without wasting the time.

I deem this a.......Box of Candy!

-S

Extract: Pure Comedy

Dear Viewer,

They say you should write what you know. Record the stories in the everyday as if they were extraordinary and they will become so. The master of this is writer-director Mike Judge, best known for Office Space, King of the Hill, and Bevis and Butt-Head Do America.

His latest piece, Extract, is about growing up. Not the transition from childhood to adulthood, but the much more difficult shift towards recognizing and accepting things as they are.

Your big house might be too big.

Your lovely wife might not be so lovely.

Your best friend might be an idiot.

And that job, the one that you complain about everyday, the one that keeps you up late and out early, the one that gave you all those grays, just might be the most interesting part of your day.

None of the acting in this film is phenomenal, but it is believable. Jason Bateman’s incredulous stare and hunched shoulders bring life to the humdrum existence of Joel Reynolds. Add to that the natural sex appeal of Mila Kunis, the familiar beauty of Kristen Wiig, and the blank stares of Dustin Milligan and you’ve got yourself a story!

The plot is as shallow as the characters. In fact you might forget their names half-way through. And don’t expect to be saved by humor (are the people in your life all that funny?).

When you break it down, this movie really isn’t all that great…but once you start it you will keep watching. Crossing your fingers and hoping things work out for Joel. That maybe this story will show you the secret to accepting life’s hardest truth, how to come out alive.

P.S. this movie is a Popcorn Combo

G-Force, GO! (Seriously...)

If you're in the mood for an action-packed, espionage featuring small rodents, G-Force is the movie to see!

Perfect for families this movie has a little bit of something for everyone.This Disney flick received a very warm welcome July 09, the latest in a series of somewhat experimental 3-D films, G-Force often feels like a theme park ride. With extended chase scenes and large explosions, viewers are sure to be entertained even if the 88 minutes of one-liners fall flat.

The movie follows the story of the leader of the team, Darwin (voiced by Sam Rockwell), as he struggles to prove the validity of using animals as FBI agents. Darwin is accompanied by a Hispanic guinea pig, Juarez (Penelope Cruz) and a painfully Black rodent, Blaster (Tracy Morgan). After having their funding pulled by the FBI, the team crawls their way to the top, facing every danger known to rodent kind, from pet stores to stray cats. There is little depth to the characters, as most of the screen-time is taken dumbing down an already simple plot for pint-sized audiences. But remember there will be explosions! (And a couple of chase scenes that are sure to tweak your interest)

There is of course, a neat Disney bow on the ending, with the mission's success and closure for each character.

I found G-Force vaguely reminiscent of Small Soldiers (1998) and The Mouse and the Motorcycle (1986). The CGI was pretty cool, the micro-technology was surprisingly believable, but the movie lacked the substance and heart of a true classic.

So, expect a few laughs, a guffaw or two, but don't get your hopes up.

And remember...

"We are the Commando Elite. Everything else is just a toy!" (Chip Hazard, Small Soldiers)

You'll need wite-out to fix Whiteout...

Dear Friend,

After sleeping off the afternoon and a quickly fixed dinner of leftovers, P decided it was time for a movie night. It's been a week at least since we've seen something new. It's one of our more normal past times.

But due to my current streak of intolerable moodiness, P was left to pick the flick. This week's entertainment: Whiteout.


They should have named that movie "EVERYONE OUT"!

The usually classy Kate Beckinsale steps behind the badge of the cliche jaded cop. Toning down her vampiric flare, British accent, and acting talent, Beckinsale left us all in the cold as she stumbled around the Antarctic wilderness searching for a killer.

The whiplash-inducing plot begins with the discovery of a body...in Antarctica. US Marshall Carrie Stetko (Beckinsale) due to an overdeveloped sense of duty, runs willy-nilly trying to solve the mystery-which of course delays her impending retirement. Despite years of training and experience, Stetko throws herself into a string of ill-advised activities. After the frostbite and 20ft fall, even the most adventurous viewer will begin to question the character's practicality.

Adding to the lack of believability, a recycled score, and poor scripting make this movie almost unwatchable. (I'm pretty sure all that kept P watching was the hope of further nudity-look out for the shower scene within the first ten minutes....)

However, the untouched purity of the white desert is also a good reason to keep watching. The sharp style of cinematography captures the simple beauty of the snowy plains and crisp edges of mountains. At the same time justifying the repeated warning that "nature did not want anyone to survive Antarctica".

If you are inclined to enjoy slow-moving, poorly-scripted murder mysteries, by all means watch Whiteout. You'll be in for an enjoyable night.

For the rest of you, trust that this film will bring you on an exciting journey......at least as long as the previews last. Perhaps you'd prefer to check into the director's other work. Dominic Sena is better known for his work filming Janet Jackson. At least if this isn't your style it will be over before the popcorn gets cold. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvMpBlyKlfo)

-S

The Concession-Stand Critiques

Dear Movie-Watcher,

So you know that feeling after going to the theater and watching a REALLY bad movie…that feeling of regret and sadness…not for the waste of time but for all that darn money you spent on food. ($20 per person for a soda and bag of popcorn. And that’s ON TOP of the $15 ticket and $5 3D surcharge.)

We’ve invented a rating system that speaks to that frustration-get ready for the Concession-Stand Critiques! (CSC)

Stick of Gum - Not a pack. A STICK. This movie was so awful you are bemoaning the loss of 6 cents! Skip it!

Box of Candy - A movie has to be pretty awful for you to regret a $2 box of candy. It’s okay, and you’ll probably get over it soon. But is it really worth the stress? Consider your other options!

Popcorn Combo - With the economy being what it is, that $12 combo of soda and popcorn isn

’t such a hot deal. Not to say that popcorn isn’t delicious! I mean for the 10 minutes that it lasts during the previews that warm theatre delicacy is sooooo worthwhile. As P would say “Give it a Look.”

Hot dog Combo – You know that smug look you give the pimple-faced cashier as you order the HOT food combo! It’s REAL food…sorta. With a hot dog in one hand and a big-a$$ soda in the other you will sit through the film full and happy. No regrets. It’s going to be a good time!

Bucket-O-Food - Bring a bucket! You’re going to need it to haul all that crap into the theatre. Mothers trying to get their children to share a single popcorn will glare as you pass by with the Bucket-O-Food, Every theatre has one. That diarrhea inducing combination of candy, soda, popcorn, hot dogs, nachos, cheese, and ice cream. But don’t give it a second thought. This movie was AWESOME! You are so satisfied you threw away that $200 receipt and twittered as you walked out the door. You might want to go back and watch it again with a (rich) friend. Did you pre-order the DVD yet!

There you have it! The Concession-Stand Critiques!

Just to get you familiarized here are some of the movies in my collection with their CSC stamp.

He’s Just Not That Into You - Box of Candy!

What Dreams May Come - Hot Dog Combo!

Public Enemies - Hot Dog Combo!

The Goods - Stick of Gum!

Dirty Jobs Collection 1 - Bucket-O-Food!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Bucket-O-Food!

Planet Hulk - Hot Dog Combo!

Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow - Stick of Gum!

Max Payne - Stick of Gum!

Thanks for reading and happy watching!