Two Summaries Of Clash Of The Titans

Hades rises from the sea to smote a bunch of unbelievers. Misremembering his instructions from Zeus, Hades smashes a small fishing vessel killing everyone except the fisherman’s adopted son, the demi-god Perseus. The survivors of the massacre, Perseus and some soldiers, head to Argos, a god-hating town, to report the incident. Hades makes a speech after which Perseus sets off to avenge the death of his family. There are scorpions, a cuckolded mutant, Medusa and some sort of colossal crustacean. All of the trained soldiers die, while Perseus survives to make it back to Argos where he reunites with his father and is given a zombie wife.

Perseus, the son of Zeus and some chick, is raised to be a god-fearing man by a fisherman and his wife. Ironically, His family is immediately dispatched by a god who rises from the sea. Poseidon? No, Hades. What? Just go with it. Shortly after this tragedy, Perseus, is transported to Argos, a god-hating town, where he falls in love with the boobs attached to Princess Andromeda. Hades makes a speech after which Perseus sets off to avenge the death of his family. There are scorpions, a cuckolded mutant, Medusa and some sort of colossal crustacean. All of the trained soldiers die, while Perseus survives to make it back to Argos where he reunites with his father and is given a fresh pair of boobs attached to some sort of immortal woman.

Tsubasa

Tsubasa is without a doubt, the absolute corniest anime I have ever seen. (Exhibit A: screen shot above)

Syaoran, a young archaeologist, travels the multiverse seeking the scattered memories of his lover and childhood friend, Princess Sakura.

Archaeologist and the princess--that old hat.

The series is a collaborative work produced by Clamp which pulls together lead characters from different anime shows. You might recognize Yuko/Mokuna from XXXholic; and Syaoran/Sakura from Cardcaptor Sakura.

The artwork blends the cutesy features of the Sakura cast with the knottable limbs of XXholic. Some viewers might find the colors a bit washed-out. (But that might just be the tears of boredom you start shedding after the first 50 seconds.)

I rate it a BOX OF CANDY!

Marvel Anime

(Don't mind the annoying advertisement before this video.)

Have you ever wondered if the difference between American cartoons and Japanese animation is only skin deep? Here's your chance to find out. 

It's 2011--two years since Marvel Comics announced the production of four new television series featuring Wolverine, the X-Men, Blade and Iron Man. (In order, of importance to me.)

The shows, developed by Madhouse Studios, were released in October 2010 to Japanese audiences. And are scheduled for release in the US around the same time this year. A concrete date has not been announced.

Judging from past experience with Marvel it will either be released yesterday or in 2013.

"I'm Going Ghost!"

A lot of cartoons get flack nowadays for their lack of concept and...well, cartooning. (Let's be honest. I'm one of the people giving flack.) But I bite my tongue when it comes to Danny Phantom.

David Kaufman voices Danny Fenton, the awkwardly pubescent son of ghost-hunting inventors Maddy and Jake. After a completely avoidable run-in with his parents' gadgets, Danny gains super powers which enable him to become invisible, fly and walk through walls. (Sure those are lame powers to start off with, but the kid does all right.)

Joined by his friends Tucker (Rickey D'Shon Collins) and Sam (Grey Delisle), Danny battles the ghostly forces of evil for an impressive 53 episodes. Director Butch Hartman shows admirable vision, cutting the show off the air before it became boring or annoyingly redundant. The show has a definite (and surprising) conclusion. Check it out for yourself on Netflix.

The characterization of adolescence is in line with American stereotypes. The cast oscillates between engaging and annoying throughout the series. If you skip a few episodes in the 3rd season you'll be fine.

The animation favors the popular Japanese style, but skips the face plants and sweat drops, taking advantage of simple lines and angular construction. The coloration and heavy shadowing makes for a palpable atmosphere that will have you jumping at shadows.

I rate it a POPCORN COMBO!

Danny Phantom Episode List on Wikipedia
David Kaufman: Danny Phantom
Nick Toons: Danny Phantom Games

Heartbeeps

In the mood for some mechanical mush? Then check out Heartbeeps. This early 80s film squeezes in next to other AI classics such as DARYL and Short Circuit with one exception-Andy Kaufman as an android.

If you're never seen the comedian at work then brace yourself for an hour and a half of painful awkwardness as Val (Kaufman), the lumber-savvy companionship bot, falls in love. Add to the mix, Bernadette Peters as Aqua the pool-side party droid and you've got yourself a movie.

The plot is simple if unusual: Two out-of-order androids embark on a mission to find out about trees. Their impromptu hike turns disastrous when two factory workers discover their disappearance and set out to reclaim the runaway merchandise. Meanwhile, a dysfunctional policing robot, the CrimeBuster Deluxe, joins the fray, determined to return Val and Aqua to their warehouse prison.


Heartbeeps has the right people. Kaufman and Peters work well together and still manage to add their signature traits to each role.

The film is dated, making it very difficult to take seriously. Despite the rampant silliness, there are several  moments (beautiful and philosophical) that should not be missed.

It's an excellent choice for your next 80s party or family movie night. I rate it a Popcorn Combo!

Old Dogs

Dear Viewer,

Dan (Robin Williams) and Charles (John Travolta) have been life-long friends and business partners. With a big business deal around the corner their lives couldn't be further from perfect. They have the bachelor pads, the women and the cars. Only Dan seems  to think there might be more to life...

Throw in a long-lost love and a couple of kids and you've got yourself an adventure, my friends!

Old Dogs is a cookie-cutter family flick. The surprise plot is predictable. The problems are expected and the solutions seem too easy. If you were expecting a deep and moving dramatic piece...What were you smoking? This is simply not that kind of movie.

Safe, warm and simple as a blanket, Old Dogs will entertain for sure. There's nothing like watching a grown man being cradled by a gorilla or Robin Williams tripping on drugs to give you a fit of the giggles. Your kids are sure to love the slapstick and potty humor - even if you don't. And the ending, as satisfying as it is corny, reminds us that even if old dogs can't learn new tricks...people certainly can.

Besides with fewer options for the crowd stuck between watching the Lion King and Twilight, Old Dogs should be top of the list for any family movie night.

-Sylvia

P.S. This movie is a popcorn combo!

Revisiting The Last Airbender

Dear Viewer,

It seems Mr. Ebert had all of the words I did not. (The Last Airbender Review)


-Sylvia

P. S. This movie is awful! Check Nickelodeon.com for some great clips and episodes of Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Netflix pick: Sanctuary

Viewer,

It would be nice to say the Syfy show Sanctuary is something that could become a guilty pleasure.

It does star Amanda Tapping of Stargate SG-1 fame, she's easy on the eyes. It also stars Emilie Ullerup, who has the makings of a TV hottie of the highest order. But that's about it.

Guilty pleasures tend to have some dark humor, or social commentary or something. Sanctuary, to me, falls short.

Don't get me wrong the concept is a good one. Have a place where monsters of myth and legend can have a place to call home. Every episode means you can see anything from a mermaid to a lizard monster. Any fan of B-movies would love it.

In theory it's a great idea. It's the application that seems a bit off.

Now I can understand bad special effects on a TV show; budgets aren't high and time frames are short. But I get the feeling the producers didn't give the audience credit for knowing what a fake fire elemental would look like. Each set seemed to be a 3-D work in progress, with the actors working in front of a green screen every 3 minutes.

The acting is wooden, which can be attributed to a new cast working together for the first time. That should improve over the course of a season. But after watching the first three episodes, I wonder how many fans should have the patience to keep watching.

Apparently enough people kept watching for Syfy to renew the show for a third season, which means the initial headaches the show gave me would disappear over time.

Or people just need an excuse to look at women in tight plastic suits.

Whichever.

-Paul


P. S. This series is a box of candy.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

Dear Viewer,

If you waited in line for tickets to Watchmen or kicked your rear catching the midnight showing of Kick Ass, then whip out your plastic and head to Fandango.com you are going to want tickets to see SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD.

Michael Cera stars as Scott, the underachieving Canadian bassist, whose life gets turned upside down when he meets Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead).

As if struggling to dump his underage Asian girlfriend isn't hard enough, Scott soon finds himself in the midst of an epic battle against the League of Evil Ex-Boyfriends. The prize--Ramona. 

The best video game/comic book movie since The Dark Knight (2008), Scott Pilgrim has it all. With plenty of romance, rock and action this movie is sure to be a hit. Gamers, look forward to the references to 8-bit classics. Parents, watch out--some of the jokes are gosh-darn racy. This is definitely a mature PG-13 flik.

-Sylvia


P. S. This movie is a Hot Dog Combo! Yum.

Be sure to check out:

• The Complete Scott Pilgrim Series by Bryan Lee O'Malley
• I Love You, Man (2009)
• Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (2009)
• Pineapple Express (2008)
• The Incredible Hulk (2008)
• 8-Bit Theater on Nuklear Power.com--A sure laugh for any Scott Pilgrim fan.

Ahvahtahr Ahng, we need you!

Viewer,

You don't have to go far to read a poor review of The Last Airbender.

As the first live-action adaptation of the popular Nickelodeon series, Avatar: The Last Airbender, many people had high hopes for this film. However, it seems that fans and critics alike have slammed the movie for poor casting, poor acting, rushed plot and blatant racism.

Die-hard fans of the series are furious at the absence of key characters and background story. M. Night's groupies are sure the fault lies anywhere but on an egotistical director/writer.

Reviewing the movie as it stands....most of the complaints are still valid. (To save time, I'm just going to discuss the script.)
 
This movie has a lot to convey. In 103 minutes, we're covering the entire first season. At 20 minutes a show, and 20 episodes total, that's 400 minutes of plot. Even if you cut out time for filler and non-essential asides you still have several hours of information. The script of this movie simply does not do justice to the amount of source material.

The areas of plot which require the most explanation are eerily silent. Explanations of interesting concepts are cut short, as if the movie were trying to reach an even younger demographic than the original Nick crowd.

The dialogue is stilted and unbelievable. The characters speak as if they didn't live in their world. ("Yes we have a very spiritual place", "we could be friends you know", "may I introduce you to the mysterious ocean and moon spirits?")

The conversations between characters do little to convey a sense of the social hierarchy or cultural traditions that brought the show to life. Adults speak to children as if they were on equal ground. The lord of the fire nation speaks to his generals casually during times of war and turmoil. Honestly, what boss spends that much time listening to an employee complain before thinking "I hired you to take care of stuff....why can't you do it?" Not mine!

As a movie on its own, The Last Airbender it's AWFUL....as a live-action representation of an animated show it's worse than my humble vocabulary can hope to express.

M. Night must be the Ahvahtahr himself. I certainly feel subdued by all the elements....

-Sylvia

P.S. This movie is a stick of gum. SKIP IT. Or get it on DVD and stage your own Mystery Science Theater special from the couch.


In case you still aren't sure whether you should watch this movie, I listed a few other complaints....
1.    There is no main character. You don't care about anyone because you don't know who they are or where they are coming from. There is no emotional connection.
2.    There's no comic relief. (Unless you count the people coming out of the ground with drill bits on their heads...it was funny that we were supposed to take that seriously.)
3.    The race criticisms are legit. Eastern-looking characters are evil. The good guys are Caucasian. M. Night's explanation doesn't show a relation to the show or social commentary. The original show was pretty clear about the physical attributes of each nation. They were all identifiable races.
4.    None of the kids act like kids. Aang doesn't act like Aang did in the first season.
5.    Zuko has no noticeable scar tissue. A little odd for a character whose scar tissue is one of his defining physical and psychological traits.
6.    The characters lack interest in their own story. How about the scene where we all stand still and watch someone kill the spirit of the moon? Why didn't anyone do anything?
7.    "He's making fire out of nothing!?" Why would other firebenders fail to understand the concept of personal body heat in its relation to fire? It is clearly stated in the show that this is a fundamental lesson in the world of firebending.
8.    "Show them the power of one"? Why would the Avatar guide be on a power trip? Sounds a little unbalanced...
9.    The monks NEVER tell him he can't have a FAMILY in the show. Why would this be added to the script? At best it sounds like a misinterpretation of the GURU episode. At worst it is a harmful revision that will alter the entire process of becoming the Avatar.
10.    Most of the movie reflected the activity of the first and last two episodes. But the content of these scenes is lost in the movie representation. The humor and confusion of Aang's awakening and the fear and anger of that final battle in the North is nowhere to be found.....

Come on...Why not save yourself the trouble and watch the real AVATAR at work. Check YouTube.com or Nickelodeon.com for some great clips and episodes. Or buy it today on Amazon.com.
 

Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian

Are you still a Stiller fan?

Then buckle up and get ready for a wild ride! The second movie in the Night at the Museum series makes its way to DVD December 2009! (Okay, so I'm a little late. Even the professionals let one slip every once in a while.)

Having stopped the theft of the golden tablet and rescued the living exhibits, Larry leaves his post at the Museum of Natural History to pursue his dreams of inventing. From the un-losable keys to the glow-in-the-dark flashlight, Larry gives the late Billy Mays a run for his money.

But with success comes sacrifice, and he looses touch with his friends.

Distracted by an upcoming corporate mergers and sales projections, Larry swings by the museum to find everyone is prepped and packed, ready for transport to the National Archives in Washington D.C.!

With ANOTHER bad guy trying to steal the golden tablet and even cornier jokes, this movie is at best watchable. Unlike the first movie, Battle of the Smithsonian has no plot and no familiarity. Even the whole "exhibits coming to life" bit seems old hat.

Night at the Museum 1, like a number of my favorites (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Ghostbusters, and Home Alone 2), was a movie about New Yahwk.

It was about the museum we remember visiting as kids, and intending to visit as adults. The exhibits that are duplicated a million times on Facebook. (EVERYONE thinking they've got the best shot of the hanging whale or the fossils.)

All things considered Night at the Museum 2 does not live up to expectations. The effects were neat and Hank Azaria's lisp will make you giggle, but you will probably be able to live without wasting the time.

I deem this a.......Box of Candy!

-S

Hulk and his Planet.

Get ready for action-packed adventure as your favorite green giant smashes onto DVD. Based on the Marvel story arch, Planet Hulk follows our hero after his exile from Earth. Betrayed by his fellow superheroes for fear of his power, Hulk hurtles through space and in a fit of rage (IRONY!) destroys his own ship crash-landing on a planet torn by war.

Thrown into an arena he doesn’t understand and alongside companions he doesn’t trust, Hulk is up to his usual smashing and bashing, with a political twist. Is the king a tyrant? Is Hulk the savior of millions? If you can put up with an hour and a half of roars and green blood you’ll find out!

If you were expecting to see the Hulk struggling to come to terms with his inner demons, look elsewhere. If you are hungry for hand-to-hand combat in an intergalactic Roman Coliseum, for you…HULK SMASH!

That is not to say the movie is bad. It is not. Gather a few buddies, and maybe that one girl who likes comics and you’ll have a good time. The animation is sharp, and the action is spot on. This movie follows the comic book faithfully but fails to convey the same urgency and dynamic characterization of the Hulk.

Watching Bruce Banner’s alter ego develop from an angry child into a great king is supposed to be the focus of the story. He even gets a girlfriend, and some real friends. He learns that he isn’t the only one to spend his life being mistreated. (That can be a bit of a wake up call.)

You don’t get any of that from this film.

You do get some awesome cameos from Thor, the god of thunder, and his alien sword brother, Beta Ray Bill. And you do get to see Hulk wield a sword. Which is like…cool.

Overall, Marvel fans won’t be too upset with this film. And everyone else won’t miss the plot elements they didn’t know to look for.

Give it a look.
P.S. This movie is a popcorn combo.

Extract: Pure Comedy

Dear Viewer,

They say you should write what you know. Record the stories in the everyday as if they were extraordinary and they will become so. The master of this is writer-director Mike Judge, best known for Office Space, King of the Hill, and Bevis and Butt-Head Do America.

His latest piece, Extract, is about growing up. Not the transition from childhood to adulthood, but the much more difficult shift towards recognizing and accepting things as they are.

Your big house might be too big.

Your lovely wife might not be so lovely.

Your best friend might be an idiot.

And that job, the one that you complain about everyday, the one that keeps you up late and out early, the one that gave you all those grays, just might be the most interesting part of your day.

None of the acting in this film is phenomenal, but it is believable. Jason Bateman’s incredulous stare and hunched shoulders bring life to the humdrum existence of Joel Reynolds. Add to that the natural sex appeal of Mila Kunis, the familiar beauty of Kristen Wiig, and the blank stares of Dustin Milligan and you’ve got yourself a story!

The plot is as shallow as the characters. In fact you might forget their names half-way through. And don’t expect to be saved by humor (are the people in your life all that funny?).

When you break it down, this movie really isn’t all that great…but once you start it you will keep watching. Crossing your fingers and hoping things work out for Joel. That maybe this story will show you the secret to accepting life’s hardest truth, how to come out alive.

P.S. this movie is a Popcorn Combo

G-Force, GO! (Seriously...)

If you're in the mood for an action-packed, espionage featuring small rodents, G-Force is the movie to see!

Perfect for families this movie has a little bit of something for everyone.This Disney flick received a very warm welcome July 09, the latest in a series of somewhat experimental 3-D films, G-Force often feels like a theme park ride. With extended chase scenes and large explosions, viewers are sure to be entertained even if the 88 minutes of one-liners fall flat.

The movie follows the story of the leader of the team, Darwin (voiced by Sam Rockwell), as he struggles to prove the validity of using animals as FBI agents. Darwin is accompanied by a Hispanic guinea pig, Juarez (Penelope Cruz) and a painfully Black rodent, Blaster (Tracy Morgan). After having their funding pulled by the FBI, the team crawls their way to the top, facing every danger known to rodent kind, from pet stores to stray cats. There is little depth to the characters, as most of the screen-time is taken dumbing down an already simple plot for pint-sized audiences. But remember there will be explosions! (And a couple of chase scenes that are sure to tweak your interest)

There is of course, a neat Disney bow on the ending, with the mission's success and closure for each character.

I found G-Force vaguely reminiscent of Small Soldiers (1998) and The Mouse and the Motorcycle (1986). The CGI was pretty cool, the micro-technology was surprisingly believable, but the movie lacked the substance and heart of a true classic.

So, expect a few laughs, a guffaw or two, but don't get your hopes up.

And remember...

"We are the Commando Elite. Everything else is just a toy!" (Chip Hazard, Small Soldiers)

You'll need wite-out to fix Whiteout...

Dear Friend,

After sleeping off the afternoon and a quickly fixed dinner of leftovers, P decided it was time for a movie night. It's been a week at least since we've seen something new. It's one of our more normal past times.

But due to my current streak of intolerable moodiness, P was left to pick the flick. This week's entertainment: Whiteout.


They should have named that movie "EVERYONE OUT"!

The usually classy Kate Beckinsale steps behind the badge of the cliche jaded cop. Toning down her vampiric flare, British accent, and acting talent, Beckinsale left us all in the cold as she stumbled around the Antarctic wilderness searching for a killer.

The whiplash-inducing plot begins with the discovery of a body...in Antarctica. US Marshall Carrie Stetko (Beckinsale) due to an overdeveloped sense of duty, runs willy-nilly trying to solve the mystery-which of course delays her impending retirement. Despite years of training and experience, Stetko throws herself into a string of ill-advised activities. After the frostbite and 20ft fall, even the most adventurous viewer will begin to question the character's practicality.

Adding to the lack of believability, a recycled score, and poor scripting make this movie almost unwatchable. (I'm pretty sure all that kept P watching was the hope of further nudity-look out for the shower scene within the first ten minutes....)

However, the untouched purity of the white desert is also a good reason to keep watching. The sharp style of cinematography captures the simple beauty of the snowy plains and crisp edges of mountains. At the same time justifying the repeated warning that "nature did not want anyone to survive Antarctica".

If you are inclined to enjoy slow-moving, poorly-scripted murder mysteries, by all means watch Whiteout. You'll be in for an enjoyable night.

For the rest of you, trust that this film will bring you on an exciting journey......at least as long as the previews last. Perhaps you'd prefer to check into the director's other work. Dominic Sena is better known for his work filming Janet Jackson. At least if this isn't your style it will be over before the popcorn gets cold. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvMpBlyKlfo)

-S

The Concession-Stand Critiques

Dear Movie-Watcher,

So you know that feeling after going to the theater and watching a REALLY bad movie…that feeling of regret and sadness…not for the waste of time but for all that darn money you spent on food. ($20 per person for a soda and bag of popcorn. And that’s ON TOP of the $15 ticket and $5 3D surcharge.)

We’ve invented a rating system that speaks to that frustration-get ready for the Concession-Stand Critiques! (CSC)

Stick of Gum - Not a pack. A STICK. This movie was so awful you are bemoaning the loss of 6 cents! Skip it!

Box of Candy - A movie has to be pretty awful for you to regret a $2 box of candy. It’s okay, and you’ll probably get over it soon. But is it really worth the stress? Consider your other options!

Popcorn Combo - With the economy being what it is, that $12 combo of soda and popcorn isn

’t such a hot deal. Not to say that popcorn isn’t delicious! I mean for the 10 minutes that it lasts during the previews that warm theatre delicacy is sooooo worthwhile. As P would say “Give it a Look.”

Hot dog Combo – You know that smug look you give the pimple-faced cashier as you order the HOT food combo! It’s REAL food…sorta. With a hot dog in one hand and a big-a$$ soda in the other you will sit through the film full and happy. No regrets. It’s going to be a good time!

Bucket-O-Food - Bring a bucket! You’re going to need it to haul all that crap into the theatre. Mothers trying to get their children to share a single popcorn will glare as you pass by with the Bucket-O-Food, Every theatre has one. That diarrhea inducing combination of candy, soda, popcorn, hot dogs, nachos, cheese, and ice cream. But don’t give it a second thought. This movie was AWESOME! You are so satisfied you threw away that $200 receipt and twittered as you walked out the door. You might want to go back and watch it again with a (rich) friend. Did you pre-order the DVD yet!

There you have it! The Concession-Stand Critiques!

Just to get you familiarized here are some of the movies in my collection with their CSC stamp.

He’s Just Not That Into You - Box of Candy!

What Dreams May Come - Hot Dog Combo!

Public Enemies - Hot Dog Combo!

The Goods - Stick of Gum!

Dirty Jobs Collection 1 - Bucket-O-Food!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Bucket-O-Food!

Planet Hulk - Hot Dog Combo!

Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow - Stick of Gum!

Max Payne - Stick of Gum!

Thanks for reading and happy watching!